christmas is a-coming
It happens every year - and I am not referring to this annual enforced hard labour in a locked cell with a typewriter! No really - writing these articles is joy unconfined (as anyone working here will tell you). No, I am talking (or rather writing) about the annual misery of P u t t i n g - u p - t h e - C h ri s t m a s - L i g h t s.
It always seems to follow the same predictable path. All the lights and decorations which were carefully put away in labelled boxes have, in the intervening eleven months, mysteriously moved around and, in the process, completely entangled themselves with each other. What was going to take 30 minutes to sort into the bundles of 'inside' and 'outside' lights now takes over two hours.
The lights were all working perfectly when put away, but now... A further waste of time as we search for the box of spare bulbs, finally located in another box labelled 'Surplus Cooking Utensils' which belongs to a daughter. How on earth? ... But no matter, the spare bulb box has been found.
Aaaargh!! The bulb tester isn't there!!
...Twenty minutes later, it is found - lying on top of the insulation beside the patio heater (which we have never used but which we could well do with now because it is freezing in the loft). With relief the loft is vacated, the trap-door closed, then reopened, the light switched off, and closed again.
My job is the outside lights, my better half deals with all the inside decoration (which is made simpler by the three grandchildren insisting on helping). However by now it is pouring with rain so outside is postponed and inside takes over. But at least I have minimal involvement - other than sorting out which of the 250 Christmas tree light bulbs needs changing, doling out drawing pins and helping locate the dropped ones (usually by means of finding them embedded in my foot!)
Next day it is time for the outside lights and now I am on my own, the better half having more pressing things to do. Well, it is Christmas... The sun is shining brightly, but it is freezing cold. Putting up the wire between the bungalow and the telegraph post takes ages, especially having to balance on the drystone wall which partially collapsed earlier this year. And then having to attach the lights with twists of garden wire and numb fingers, having to stop and go to the toilet seemingly every few minutes, which involves taking off the boots and coat each time...
But, eventually it is done - with only 7 more sets to do around the bungalow and garden. But they are easier as no supporting wires have to be put up. By now the fancy outlines have been abandoned and it all looks a bit of a jumble. Ah well, at least it's finished.
All the leads have been fed in through the various windows and doorways, the extension leads put in place, and the moment of the Big Switch On arrives. They look Fantastic - everybody says so! Comments like ' I would rather see..., and ' why didn't you...' and ' next year perhaps you could...' abound.
But they are up and that is it, until January 5th (or is it 6th), when they will be painstakingly taken down, tested, sorted into the correct boxes and carefully stored in the loft - just like last year. It is all over for another year.
Then - the better half taps you on the shoulder, 'that was Jim on the phone. He has had a fall and wondered if you would help him put up his lights tomorrow. I said of course you would...'
I l o v e C h r i s t m a s !
Contributed by David Starling
(Published on 17th Sep 2014 )
